The Ravenna Kibbutz

I added this as a comment under Leyna’s post, but then decided that it’s long enough (and ranty enough) to maybe be a decent post of its own. So, here it is.

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This is one of my serious buttons, too. (This is probably why you and I got married on Facebook—we have so much in common besides just our Jewishness.)

One of my formative Jewish experiences was receiving a pamphlet in the mail when I was 13 that told me I shouldn’t marry a non-Jew. And why not? Because to do so would be to hurt Judaism.

First of all, I found (and still find) it creepy that some international Jewish organization is tracking Jews the world over and hitting them with marriage-related propaganda when Bar/Bat Mitzvah is nigh.

Second, I was already smart enough back then to have, like you, a “Fuck you!” reaction to such pap, which was likely installed in me by my agnostic father. Incidentally, his college romance with a non-Jew was destroyed by both families, neither of whom could bear to let interfaith love proceed smoothly and, you know, happily.

When I moved into the Ravenna Kibbutz in August of last year, I was kind of “coming out” as a Jew for the first time as an adult. All the world can now tell, because of where I live and how I spend a lot of my time, that I’m Jewish, though to me that identity is a cultural one, not a religious one. And when people tell me to fast on Yom Kippur or whatever, it angers me just as much as the “Marry a Jew!” ads on Facebook (and the concept behind them) anger you.

I also know, from a past relationship, that some issues that come up for interfaith couples (a deceptive term when both people are atheists, but I digress) are, for example, Jewish-Protestant ones. Like: The non-Jewish partner can’t understand why the Jewish one complains so much (it’s called kvetching; look it up), and the Jewish one can’t comprehend why the non-Jewish one has such a damn sunny outlook (it’s called not having been systematically oppressed for millennia; Wikipedia it).

Nonetheless, I’m a firm believer that relationship viability should be evaluated on a case-by-case basis. Blanket prescriptions (and proscriptions) regarding love are almost always misguided (unless it’s, like, “Don’t marry an arsonist,” in which case I’m on board).

I’m nearly 30 and have only dated two Jewish women, and neither relationship was what you’d call serious. That said, I no longer feel the perverse pride of a rebellious teenager at the notion of not dating Jewish. I could go either way, and hey, maybe there WOULD be some advantages to dating someone who understands kvetching. But placating some shadowy, paranoia-mongering organization concerned that my love will shatter Judaism into a million little pieces isn’t one of them.